Pretty Pretty Prankster
by Alabaster Ink
Summary: Hinata was beautiful and, unfortunately, the rest of the world agreed.


**Hi everyone! I just realized I wrote all these one-shots and never posted them here, so…yeah. This one actually came about from a prompt on tumblr that I was given permission to use. It's really just a bit of fluff and mischief. Be forewarned that this canon compliant, so if you were not a fan of the ending, I ask you to be respectful. If you choose to keep reading, thank you and I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own that idea, but I do own what I took from it.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Pretty Pretty Prankster**

**One-shot**

Hinata had never considered herself to be particularly beautiful. If anything, she was generously average, perhaps even pretty if she put on the right makeup, spent a few hours on her hair, and wore something formal. But never would Hinata have ever called herself beautiful; her skin was too pale, her curves too pronounced, and her face too round. Even her eyes were somewhat disconcerting, but she had seen enough people shudder in the presence of a Hyuuga to know this was a clan problem and not just one of her personal flaws. Hinata couldn't fault people when they stared at her. She'd stare too if she hadn't grown up with the Byakugan.

She was never really bothered by it. When she was younger, it had been one of those things she would add in her moments of self-deprecation, but it was never something she thought too hard about. Her main concern back then was her failure to progress as a shinobi and clan heiress. Her looks had been a mere backdrop in a long list of imperfections. As she grew, and subsequently her confidence increased, she learned to accept the way she looked – she was strong and competent and she had friends. She didn't need to be a beauty.

The issue came when her husband became Hokage.

There were only three times in recent memory where she had been happier: her wedding day and the births of her children. She was ecstatic, kissing him full on the mouth in plain view of everyone. She couldn't even find it in herself to be embarrassed about it. Her husband was the Hokage; he had achieved his lifelong dream. What wasn't there to be happy about?

Apparently, quite a few things.

Being the wife of the Hokage brought about a whole slew of new responsibilities she had only been moderately prepared for. By 'moderately,' she meant only what had been included in her education as a clan heiress. Considering the fact that the last active First Lady had been Sarutobi Biwako (Kushina, unfortunately, having too short of a tenure to really do much, not to mention having been pregnant through most of it and so had been given a bit of a pass), Hinata could be forgiven for being slightly underprepared.

But that was alright. So many people were willing to help her out that she was able to get a firm grasp on it all rather quickly. On top of her regular duties, she organized galas, hosted visiting dignitaries, was active in charity programs, and made herself as visible and open to the people of Konoha as possible. She even attended all the boring political meetings. In all, Hinata became as much a leader of the village as her husband.

That was where the problem came it.

As a leader, there were a lot people one had to meet. This would have been fine if it was just the people of Konoha or even just other shinobi, but no. That was not the case. The vast majority were, unfortunately, foreign civilians – rich, foreign civilians. With actual titles.

Some of them were absolutely lovely.

Kazahana Koyuki, the daimyo of Haru no Kuni, was a wonderful woman and one Hinata had been happy to have in her home. The king of Tsuki no Kuni, Hikaru, had been another joy. Even Shion of Oni no Kuni hadn't been too bad, considering that she still had a crush on her husband. Hinata wouldn't have minded if everyone was like them.

They weren't.

Quite a few of them stared upon meeting her. It made Hinata decidedly uncomfortable. Then, once the inevitable gawking had passed, they would open their mouths and try to talk. 'Try' being the operative word. It had made the first few look incredibly fish-like. Once they actually did start talking, it all just spiraled downwards. There were quite a few Hinata wished she could have punched right in the face. Nothing fancy, just a quick, simple, cathartic punch. But she never did. As the Hokage's wife, she had an image to uphold. So she put up with it.

She put up with the simpering and the posturing. She endured the compliments they showered upon her, even though she knew they were simply buttering her up in hopes she would put in a good word for them with her husband. It was all in a day's work, and after two years she could proudly admit she was rather good at it – not as good as she would have liked, but she was getting there. Give it another decade or so and she might just be able to pull it all off. She just had to take it one day at a time.

Hinata took a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror. They would be hosting another one of the daimyo's dignitaries today and she had to look at least good enough to pass for the wife of the Hokage. Her hair was done up in a bun and she wore one of her nicer lavender kimonos; one that she had picked just for this lord's visit. The silk was from his province and she'd bet her last paycheck he'd notice. They all did. While she wouldn't count on herself winning any beauty contests, it would do.

Time for her to get to work.

* * *

Naruto knew his wife was gorgeous. He knew it as easily as he knew he loved his family, and his village, and ramen. He also knew that he wasn't simply saying this because she was his wife. Well, he would say it even if that were the only reason, but it wasn't, so he felt it was doubly as true. He knew it, his children knew it, his friends knew it, and apparently, the rest of the world knew it too.

It was kind of funny at first.

His first day as Hokage included meeting a lot of foreign dignitaries. Most of them were other shinobi, but a fair few were from the daimyo's court. It was the only time in Naruto's recent memory where he noticed something his wife did not. He noticed the glances, the double takes, the blinking eyes, and the stuttering speech. Yeah, sure, a lot of civilians were sometimes overcome when surrounded by shinobi, but never like this. This wasn't intimidation or fear; this was stunned, and shocked, and awed.

This was hilarious.

Honestly, Naruto had to fight to keep himself from laughing. Hinata was just so adorable in her obliviousness. Adorable and beautiful, and Naruto had no compunctions about flaunting it. He made sure she was introduced to every noble he could and took great delight in watching those stuck up blue-bloods stumble their way through a conversation. It made the night much easier to endure.

In retrospect, perhaps it would have been best to hide her somewhere no one could see her. Then he wouldn't have to put up with all of…_this_.

_This_ was Ambassador Hitsukada Tomiichi.

He was the fifth ambassador this month to come barreling in like he owned the place and start propositioning the Hokage's wife.

…Okay, so maybe not propositioning, but it certainly felt like that to Naruto. He could quite literally feel the lust oozing from the man. It made his hands clench behind his back – clench like he wanted to wrap them around the ambassador's neck and _snap_. It would be so easy; the man was so fragile. If not for all the grease weighing him down, he would have surely been blown away by any passing gust of wind.

Now there was an idea.

But no, he had to refrain. Killing ambassadors upfront would do no good for his reputation as a peacemaking Hokage. Perhaps later, he might work something more underhanded out, but for now the ambassador would live, if only until this new trade agreement was finalized.

After that, well, he was no longer responsible for anything that happened after that.

But the thought of all the nasty things he could do to the nobleman didn't help when it did nothing to prevent the man from flirting with his wife **right** **now**. Hinata might as well have been oblivious, but Naruto was not. He had spent two years alone with Jiraiya of the Sannin; if there was one thing Naruto knew it was the signs of a man trying to get a woman. Or, at least, trying to get into her pants.

He did not appreciate this. He did not appreciate this one bit. He also did not appreciate the _twenty-three_ other ambassadors and merchants that had done the same exact thing within the past year. He knew his wife was gorgeous, he liked that everyone else agreed, but he did **not** like them trying to take advantage of the fact. Hinata was not here for their viewing pleasure. She was his _wife_.

He listened in as the ambassador tried to sweet-talk his Hinata. The two men hadn't yet been formally introduced, but Naruto wasn't Hokage just because people liked him. He had spent quite a few hours scoping the man out, learning just what made him tick in order to get the best agreement possible for Konoha. Naruto had wanted to be fair – now he felt it might be best to just suck the man dry of everything he owned. It wouldn't be hard; he didn't seem particularly smart.

"Has anyone told you how lovely you look today, Hinata-sama?" The man's smooth baritone flooded down the hallway.

Naruto saw his wife start and visibly fight back a retort, but instead of punching him like he wanted her to, she smiled and said, "I believe you have said it quite a few times today, Hitsukada-dono."

"Tomiichi, please," he insisted, brushing a hand against her shoulder.

Hinata leaned away. "I don't believe that would be very proper, sir."

"Of course, of course, my apologies," he said, though the words didn't have a single ounce of sincerity in them.

Hinata must have noticed (of course she did, his wife was brilliant) because she suddenly went very cold and her eyes hardened. There was a slight curling of her lips. Still, she didn't do anything.

"Thank you," she uttered, her voice perfectly polite. "Is there anything I can help you with, Hitsukada-dono?"

"I merely wished to speak more with you, Hinata-sama-"

"Uzumaki, please," she cut in, reiterating his own words back at him. Naruto's chest puffed with pride.

"Of course," the ambassador obliged. "It's just I have heard so much about you, Uzumaki-sama."

"About me?"

"Yes, you are very popular at court. There has been much talk of your beauty, but now I can see the stories do you no justice."

Hinata smiled tightly. "Oh, I don't know about that."

"But it's true, Hinata-sama-"

"Uzumaki."

"-your beauty is wasted in this backwater-"

"Backwater?"

"-village. Why if you were to come to court, you would surely be treated like the jewel you are. I know I personally would shower you with everything any woman could ever desire. Were you to come with me-"

"You?"

"-you need never lift a thing. You could leave this barbaric life. I would take care of you."

Naruto was done listening

He had watched his wife get progressively colder the more this man rambled. Naruto knew Hinata could take care of herself – he was very aware of this fact – but personally, he was starting to get insulted. Out of the five men this month to try and flirt with his wife, this man took the cake.

Hitsukada insulted his village, insulted his shinobi, and insulted his wife. That was not, in any way, acceptable. An idea sparked in Naruto's mind, and a perfectly fox-like grin spread across his face. It was an idea his younger self would have been proud of.

Naruto stepped out into the hallway.

* * *

Hitsukada Tomiichi grew up in the splendor of the daimyo's court. He was the perfect example of a child born with a silver spoon in his mouth – he had money, land, connections, and people willing to brush his teeth for him. His titles were vast, his medals numerous and he was very very used to getting what he wanted.

And he wanted Uzumaki Hinata.

The stories truly did her no justice. There was simply no way to describe the pearls that made up her eyes or the porcelain of her skin. The callouses formed by her barbarous lifestyle could be smoothed away with time and they were easy to overlook. From the touch he had managed to steal, her hair was as soft as the finest silks. Her features were perfect, her body divine, and her grace and poise queenly. To have her by his side would be the ultimate jewel in his crown. How magnificent he would look if this woman agreed to walk beside him in court.

It was of no consequence to him that she was married. The Hokage was nothing but a glorified soldier given far too many privileges. The brats could easily be left behind. All that mattered was that he had her.

Hitsukada internally smirked. There was no reason for her to deny him. He was rich, powerful and handsome. He was everything a woman wanted. Between him and some soldier, there was no competition. He just needed to get that through her head.

She had been putting up a good impression of disinterest, but Hitsukada could tell she was weakening. All women did. It was easy; a few compliments here, a few gifts there, and all of them became putty in his hands. It didn't hurt that she was easy to compliment. A beauty such as Konoha's First Lady deserved all the praise and admiration he could lather upon her.

The life of a kunoichi was obviously not one that suited her.

"Wouldn't you enjoy that, Hinata-sama?" he asked, stepping closer to her. "The option to finally rest your feet. You would no longer need to act the soldier to a nation that cannot appreciate your worth."

"Hitsukada-dono-" she started, but he cut her off not wanting to hear her excuses.

"Your husband cannot offer you the life I can. He is the Hokage and yet still he uses you as one of his soldiers. I cannot image the agony that must plague you. You deserve so much be-"

"Hinata!"

Oh for the love of-! Who-?

Hitsukada swiveled around to glare at the caller.

He was a tall man, much taller than Hitsukada, with blond hair and the bluest eyes the nobleman had ever seen. A big, bright smile had etched itself across the man's face as he walked towards them, waving his arms as happily as could be.

It made Hitsukada's blood boil.

Who was this man to behave as such in the presence of the First Lady? His absolute disrespect was mind-boggling – he didn't even have the decency to use an honorific! It was uncouth, insolent, and, frankly, insubordinate. Not that he would expect much better in such a place, but to refer to the Lady Hinata as such was unacceptable.

"Excuse me, sir," he began. "But who do you think you ar-"

He stopped.

The blond man suddenly enveloped Hinata in a bear hug, his white cape whipping Hitsukada in the face. Hitsukada would have yelled if not for one particular detail.

_Nanadaime Hokage_.

The words hit Hitsukada harder than the man's cape had. This was…he was…impossible! Was his mind playing tricks on him? Nope, the red lettering stood out prominently against the white background. Hitsukada was baffled.

The Hokage was _hugging_ his wife _in public_.

What self-respecting leader did that? No, what self-respecting _man_ did that?

Hitsukada was horrified. This was completely backwards. The fact that Hinata was actually consenting to such a display was appalling. He was ready to pull the woman away from her husband and whisk her away to the court where everything made sense; she would never be so humiliated there.

But then the Hokage looked at him, and all his treacherous thoughts died.

Those blue eyes – eyes that had looked so bright and happy a moment ago – were now trained solely on him. They weren't cold or dark or even angry, but there was something about those blues that stopped Hitsukada in his tracks. They swallowed him, boring into him as if they could see every little thing that entered his mind, picking at them and prying them for any hint of deceit or impurity.

The Hokage moved and Hitsukada twitched.

"Ah, sorry, sorry," Naruto said. He removed himself from the hug, but kept one arm wrapped around his blushing wife's shoulders. His unbandaged arm slowly scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I didn't see you there."

"N-Naruto," Hinata stuttered – _stuttered!_ – and motioned her hand towards the noble. "This is Ambassador Hitsukada. He's here regarding the silk trade agreement. Ambassador, this is my husband, Uzumaki Naruto, the Nanadaime Hokage."

Said Hokage beamed at him and gave a slight bow in welcome. Hitsukada just barely managed to bow back. The Hokage was so _tall_. He had noticed it before, but now, standing in front of the man, he realized just how tall the man actually was. Uzumaki Naruto was a giant. He towered above the petite Hinata and made Hitsukada feel child-sized.

"Ambassador!" The blond man exclaimed. His teeth shone brightly through his smile; they were unnervingly white. Hitsukada flinched. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet you at the gates personally, but I trust my wife has kept you well entertained."

The black-haired man nodded stiffly. "Y-yes, Hokage-sama. Hinata-sama has been m-most polite. She is a credit to your village."

If possible, the grin widened. Naruto hugged his wife against him. "Yeah, she's great isn't she? I can't imagine being married to a more wonderful woman."

"You are indeed a lucky man, Hokage-sama," Hitsukada said, not even able to look the kunoichi.

"Don't I know it, 'ttebayo. She's super strong, too!" Oh, why couldn't the Hokage just stop? His legs felt like jelly. "You'd never guess it by looking at her, but she once ripped a guy's eyes out."

"Naruto!" Hinata swatted her husband's arm, mortified, but Naruto just grinned at her and gave her a peck on the forehead.

"Ah, she's so modest."

'Modest' wasn't quite the word Hitsukada would have used. As far as he knew, modest women didn't rip people's eyes out. He could feel the blood drain from his face and he started to shake. Suddenly, Hinata didn't look quite so meek.

"But anyway, Hitsukada-dono, are you prepared for the meeting?" Naruto inquired, his blue eyes prying. Hitsukada didn't know what he was looking for, but it made him want to run in the other direction and never look back.

"Ah, yes, Hokage-sama," he squeaked. It was completely undignified, but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

"Good, good," Naruto cheered. He moved languidly, waving his free arm back and forth in such a way that it was both mesmerizing and terrifying. "I hope it won't take too long for us to come to an agreement. I would hate to have to keep you here until then." The Hokage burst into laughter at his own joke and Hitsukada tittered politely so as not to insult the man. Somehow, his use of the word 'keep' made the ambassador nervous. It didn't sound like a very nice word at all.

"Y-yes, that w-would be an inconvenience, wouldn't it?" He swallowed harshly at the thought. Staying here, in Konoha, with this giant, hulk of a man watching his every move was not a pleasant thought. Just standing in the hallway of the Hokage tower was stifling. Living with the man would certainly give him a heart attack.

He chanced a glance over to Hinata, but found he couldn't maintain his stare. The Hokage's eyes bored into him. He felt something pull at him, steering his own eyes away from the beautiful woman and onto her deceptively cheerful husband.

Seriously, that smile was anything but comforting. Hitsukada felt like the Hokage was moments away from gouging his throat out. This man was a trained killer; it probably wouldn't take him much effort.

A heavy feeling filled the man's heart. Suddenly, the gigantic man seemed all that more imposing. His blond hair looked wilder, his eyes narrower, and his smile sharper. If Hitsukada had to choose between staying where he was and jumping off a cliff, he would choose to jump. Anything was better than remaining in the presence of this man – this god-like man so many people idolized.

It was obvious why he was so loved; you either loved him or you feared him, and it was much better for people's collective sanity to love someone than live in terror of what he could do.

And Hitsukada was terrified.

Hinata – sweet, beautiful, graceful Hinata – stood comfortably at her husband's side, seemingly not affected by the oppressive atmosphere surrounding them. In fact, she seemed perfectly at ease. How strong – how deadly – would she have to be to not be affected by this? The idea compounded Hitsukada's fear.

He suddenly seemed much less inclined towards bringing her to court. All her beauty, all her poise, couldn't hide such barbaric tendencies. What was to stop her from slitting his throat for his money? In his infatuation, he had conveniently forgotten that she too had a reputation as a kunoichi, and it was anything but insignificant.

"Hitsukada-dono," the woman's voice echoed faintly in his ear. "Are you alright? You seem to have dazed off there for a moment."

The man forced himself to reply. "My apologies, Uzumaki-sama. I fear I'm feeling slightly unwell."

"Oh?" Naruto said, moving forward as if to get a better look. This wouldn't have been so bad except the man's blue eyes never strayed from Hitsukada's brown. He was like a predator, reading his prey for any sign of movement or sudden intent.

The Hokage's hand clamped down on his shoulder and Hitsukada swallowed a scream. Gods, the man's hand must have been made of iron. His nails bit into the silk blue robes, bunching the fabric and ruining it. The ambassador felt trapped. "Hmm, maybe you should return to your rooms. You're looking a bit pale, Hitsukada-dono. We can reschedule our meeting for tomorrow."

"T-tomorrow?" The thought of spending more time than necessary in this bizarre village made him want to cry. He refrained out of fear that showing any such weakness would be an invitation for more unwelcomed attention.

"Of course," the Hokage said, seemingly oblivious to Hitsukada's internal turmoil. "It's never good have a meeting when you're not feeling well. I remember this one time I tried to resolve a trade agreement with Cha no Kuni when I hadn't had ramen all day. It was torturous. I couldn't pay attention. Wouldn't want that to happen to you. We always try to make our guests as comfortable as possible."

_Oh, I'm sure_, Hitsukada thought, shakily. _If this is comfortable, I don't want to know what you consider uncomfortable. _

But he didn't say this out loud. Instead, he struggled to put a smile on his face and hoped it didn't look as painful as it felt. "You are too generous, Hokage-sama. I am feeling a bit under the weather."

"Ah, don't worry, ambassador. I understand. We'll reconvene tomorrow. Same time alright with you?" Naruto asked. He honestly looked very earnest in his concern, but Hitsukada wasn't fooled. There was a spark of glee in the man's eyes that left him on edge.

He nodded. "Of course, Hokage-sama."

"Excellent! Well, we won't keep you." Hitsukada almost broke down in relief, until the Hokage spoke up again. "But just to keep you safe," he snapped his fingers and suddenly two masked men appeared on either side of the nobleman.

This time, he did jump.

"Inu, Shiroari," the Hokage motioned to the two men, grinning. "Please escort Ambassador Hitsukada back to his guestroom. He's not feeling too well."

"Hokage-sama," the two intoned. It did nothing to help Hitsukada feel safe.

"Enjoy the evening, Hitsukada-dono. I'll see you tomorrow." The Hokage's eyes sparkled.

Hitsukada swallowed hard. "Yes, tomorrow. Hokage-sama, Uzumaki-sama." He bowed to the two and they responded in kind. If his eyes weren't fooling him, he could swear both their lips twitched as if trying to restrain laughter. Hitsukada didn't care to stick around and find out.

He swung around, awkwardly moving so as to stay as far away from the two guards as possible, and hurried towards the door. He didn't even try to steal one last glance at the First Lady. As far as he was concerned, the Hokage could keep her.

Hitsukada could content himself with keeping his life.

* * *

"That was mean, Hokage-sama," Hinata's quiet, teasing voice flowed down the now empty hallways.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, hime. We had a perfectly polite conversation," Naruto countered.

"Of course. But then, why are you smiling like that?"

"Hm?" Naruto looked at her, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "Like what? I'm just so happy to see you."

"Oh, is that the reason?" She asked. A grin found it way on her face and Naruto had to resist kissing her right there. "I thought it was something else."

He chuckled and said, "Of course not, hime. I always smile for you."

"Flatterer."

"And you love it."

"Hmm, this is true," she agreed, looking into his eyes and smiling. This time, he did kiss her.

"You know, they wouldn't keep trying to steal you away if you weren't so perfect," he added when they finally broke apart. "I'm starting to get a little jealous."

"They only do it to get in your good graces." A funny look lighted up on Naruto's face, one Hinata couldn't quite pinpoint. "Naruto?"

"Is that what you think?" He asked.

Now she was confused. "Of course. Why else would they compliment me so much?"

Naruto let out an incredulous laugh. "You mean you still don't-," he stopped and shook his head. "Never mind." He pulled her into a tight hug. "Well, we have the rest of the day free now. What do you say we pick up the kids and go get ramen?"

Hinata smiled up at him. "Sounds perfect."

"Good, because I just left Shikamaru with all the paperwork and I don't want to be here when he finds out."

"Naruto!"

Naruto just laughed and hugged her tighter.

He was so glad she was his wife.

* * *

**And there you have it. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please review, but keep your flames to yourself. I appreciate constructive criticism, but flames do not help anyone improve their writing. **

**Thank you so much for reading and have a wonderful day!**

**~Alabaster Ink**


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